We have all seen it...the kid on the floor in the grocery store screaming, crying and kicking. A temper tantrum because he or she did not get what they wanted. Was it really a temper tantrum? Maybe this child is on the spectrum and is having a sensory overload meltdown. Remember that children on the spectrum are often hypersensitive to sounds, smells, lights among other things. My own son takes pride in the fact that he smells things others cannot smell. One of his "things" is superheroes, so he thinks of his super sniffer as his superpower.
Below is a video of what it is like to be in a grocery store when you are on the spectrum (I was sick to my stomach within 30 seconds...imagine not being given the choice to turn it off):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcS2VUoe12M
If you are having trouble with your child having a meltdown at the store, here are some videos that may give you some hope and a few ideas:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMi7SPtIM7U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SASrwFkbmOk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I39WBqJI8AY
So...since we know kids on the spectrum love their routines, we need to work shopping into that routine. Sit down with your child and create a shopping list. Prepare the child with sensory stimulation to help soothe him/her. If your child is particularly sensitive to noise, have them wear headphones if they will allow it or if the sensitivity is to light, have them wear sunglasses. Map out your grocery store trip based on your list. As you put each item in the cart, cross it off the list so your child will know how long they can expect to be in the store. Engage your child in helping you put the items in the cart to keep them busy. It may be a situation where you start by going in the store for a minute and then leaving, gradually working up the number of items you can purchase (aka time spent) in the store. The most important thing is that you work with your child and teach him/her how to deal with the sensory overload. Do not allow people who are ignorant of the situation or just in general to make you feel like less of a person or a parent.
Sensory overload and meltdowns can happen other places besides the grocery store. They can happen at school, in a restaurant; and with the holiday season coming up, a meltdown is almost inevitable. My son, who has Asperger's, knows enough to tell me during family get togethers when he has had enough. When we are hosting, he will get my attention and then point upstairs to his room. He then goes up there for some calm down time. If we are at an event, he will go into a quiet room (most of our friends and family are aware of this) for some time.
Here is a list of things I have found to be helpful to ward off the meltdown:
1 - Have a box/bag of sensory stimulating things (stress ball, headphones, etc) on hand at all times.
2 - Have a weighted blanket, compression vest, gloves or whatever your child feels comfort from.
3 - Pre-activity preparation - who will be there, how long with the activity last, what is expected from
the child, what kind of noise, lights, etc.
4 - Plan an escape for your child. Discuss with the party host about a place your child can go if
he/she starts to feel anxious. Discuss this with your child (if able) and decide on a signal.
5 - Massage - don't we all dream of it to relax?
6 - Get down on child's level and whisper.
7 - Tight hugs from behind.
8 - electronic device for communication
I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Remember, having a child on the spectrum is not a prison sentence. Your child can and should be socialized. Your job is to learn what his/her triggers are and how to calm him/her. It is a learning process. You will make mistakes. Meltdowns will happen in public. People will stare and even comment. It is their problem, not yours. I have been there and even still have an experience (my son is 19). Instead of feeling like a bad parent, feel like a good teacher and teach the public about life on the spectrum. Ask for help. You and your child both deserve it. The holidays are for friends and family, and that includes your child.
